Everything music

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @MJG017 

When I joined Sane Forums, I only wanted to fix other people, have that buoyant intelligence where I could identify with others but that aching loneliness, the feeling I was DROWNing was not addressed. 

At the same time I was still reeling from seeing a psychotherapist who spent every  week with my stepfather who bullied me out of my home.  And who was taking my sons away. 

So in my home life, no one in the medical field or in my family was listening to me I was a failure  yet, sane forums,,  at last in Australia someone was listening to me. These people in Sane forums told me my empathy made a difference. These people write to me asking me to write to newcomers because my empathy meant something. I wrote back to the organisers of Sane forums, they responded. My personal life was a nightmare ; I was married to a schizophrenic who i saved his life many times ( no one cared ) 

My brother's were I influenced to laugh at me by my mum - 

In reality I spoke in half sentences and the only person who really got me was my husband who was struggling with schizophrenia. 

But Sane forums loved me. I read psychotherapy books which iv studied in the past, at last after 10 years of bad therapy, I was seeing a good Psychotherapist - 

And then I broke down. Who really cares about me ? 

When i met you  I felt someone ( I know ) 

Who got it. Who stood still much earlier than I did. 

How did you do that ?! How did you get that cleverness much younger than I did ? 

[StuF]

@Glisten 

Helium I know too well lol!

Joe's Apartment I did not!

[greenpea]

@Glisten   G honey https://youtu.be/9EKi2E9dVY8?list=PLclODpQJhNz7vm19Ab3k31tUX7dncoup4

are you okay? stupid question....

[Glisten]

@StuF you Sir, would you be guilty of raiding the helium balloons 🎈 at parties 🥳?

Too much FUN! 🤩 

[StuF]

Whipped cream @Glisten 

lol

NOTE I just realised we are talking two different things, sorry!!! My bad lol

Displaying my misspent youth!

[Glisten]

@StuF you are a shocker 🫢

You are the last person, I would suspect of a misspent youth lol 😜 

[PeppyPatti]

Really @TAB ? I used to be with Bupa for years 

But changed to NIB

I might check this out .......

Watching highly intellectual ' Tipping Point " 

[TAB]

https://youtu.be/MiY2JsGXrtM?si=ldj8q783H1_sL5-h

@PeppyPatti 

Hbf best, the rest for suckers lol

[MJG017]

Hi@PeppyPatti 

I think I was a bit the same.  When I started joining all of these support groups earlier this year, I just found myself trying to support others.  I didn't really worry to much about myself.  I just found it personally helpful to help others.  As I slowly became more comfortable I started to be more honest about how much i'm was struggling.  I still keep a lot of it to myself, but I do find I'm opening up more and more as I go, which is only helping even more.  But it's not like a switch I can flick on.  I need to go slowly and just keep sharing a bit here and a bit there.  I don't know this is just me being stubborn, or still a bit to resistive to opening up with people, but i am improving.  And after 52 years of never opening up to anyone... I see this as a massive improvement.  A massive, but slow improvement.

So you were seeing the same psychotherapist as your stepfather?  I only ask, because I remember my partner saying a few months back when I was having issues with the psychologist I was seeing at the time, that here was quite good and did I want her to ask if she would see me as well.  I said yes, but the psychologist refused saying it was a conflict of interest to see the both of us. 

It is such an amazing feeling to find a place where every one accepts you and supports you isn't it?  To me, the first time felt like I'd had been shipwrecked alone on a deserted island and finally a ship came along and rescued me.  It makes such a massive difference to feel understood, respected, and accepted after so long feeling the opposite.  So good, I decided to volunteer my time to sail around on that boat looking for other shipwrecked souls.

You asked me how I found such cleverness much younger than you did.  It just brought back a few recent memories where I've talked to younger people here and telling them that they've impressed me because they're reaching out for help on a forum like this when it took me sooo long to be brave enough to do the same.

I'm not sure i'm that much younger than you though.  I know we're not supposed to ask women their ages, so I wont, but I assumed you were in your mid-late 50s.  Maybe you said it at some point.  If true, you're only a few years older than me.

To be completely honest the main reason I have started dealing with and trying to understand any of my mental health issues is because I got to the point of having no choice when I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago.  That definitely makes you look at things differently and can take a bit of fear away from other things in your life.  I'd suggest there's easier ways to find that inspiration to try and deal with a lifetime of mental struggles, but it's the way that worked for me.

I think any of us who has dealt with so much mental pain and isolation in our lives, even if we never really found the strength to deal with it for years or decades, just inherently develop a sense on empathy, understanding, and kindness for other people.  Assuming we don't let anger get the better of us.  Yes, I didn't have years and years of psychotherapy, but I also didn't have to deal with anything like what you have had to endure.  I really don't know how I would have coped with half of that happening to me. 

Back to the nautical theme, i must have boats on the brain tonight... if the struggles in our lives a like a long voyage in a boat... some of us have wavy rides with a few storms and quite a few rough seas, but others have so many storms and typhoons and giant massive waves pounding their boat... it stands to reason their journey will be harder and take longer to reach their destination.  Who is the better sailor... the fastest, or the captain who navigated the much rougher seas?

I don't even like boats!  I have no idea why everything is boats tonight! 🤔⛵😁

[PeppyPatti]

I think that you have a gift actually @MJG017 

I went through a very tough time in my life and I just drew these ships that @Glisten  says she likes. They are quite big......

The poem says:

I look up,

There is a great space of white blue

The whole world opens up wide

I move my eyes down to the horizon

Ships swim in the water

Ripped Torn and Weathered

And Sunshine

Time is upon us

Night crosses the sky

You know the motion of the stars, the moon

My Beloved.

I just don't have the confidence to start drawing again. I drew it freestyle then used photo transfers, and pencil and ink ink. 

Id'e say just go with it. Enough has happened to you. Go with the ship's thoughts, and see what happens. 

I'm 56 years old, and in 2 weeks I'll be 57. Only a couple of years older than you. Maybe 5 years.

This net bit is going to sound weird ok? 

My Mum and stepdad broke up because he's gay in 1983 When I was 15. My oldest brother and stepdad became my biggest supporter in the universe then and he got what mum was doing to me. People saw, I was noticed.  

But shortly after, he became a functioning drug addict and a Psychologist. So, I was already seeing someone as a Psychotherapist but things became very murky because it just ended up he knew the Psychotherapist I was seeing and he started visiting her because she was getting anorexic. Very murky.

Then it got worse, I met the current Psychotherapist I've seen for over 20 years. My youngest son is very fine today but got ill with a um......brain tumour and thank GOD I was seeing her. Then the ....... hit the fan. My Psychotherapist starts saying YOU have had a head injury YOUR Step Dad and Mum have STOLEN your children both when they were 15. They BULLIED you out of your home all to show off about your head injury. 

And my sons suffered.

So, at the end of the day, who wins @MJG017 ?

Just not jealousy or ego or anything but who wins ? I have my life. I've met someone who truly loves me AND is going to do trauma therapy to care for me. My sons are very slowly coming back. My Step Mother has contacted me and shes buying me a 3 bedroom unit in her will. 

Im entitled.

I don't care what anyone thinks of me ( bit embarrassed when I speak in half sentences) 

Keep your head down is the only reflection I have. 

I ask you to work on that amazing intuition.