Hi all, 👋

I am finding everything so hard, again. I am doing all 'the right things' that my psychiatrist, psychologist and gp tell me will help. I spend so much of my life "working" as in doing stuff to not feel so awful. Life is such a chore and it all hurts. It's so unfair that I am doing all 'the work' but if I ever feel any better, it's short-lived. 

What is the point? I keep asking myself. Then I do the cbt and challenging and all that, but if I did a pie chart showing "working" and "fun", you would barely notice the tiny sliver of pie that represents fun. I think that would be realistic, rather than just negative feelings because I am depressed etc.

I just can't think of anything that I enjoy anymore or anything that doesn't cause emotional or physical pain.

I went out and about, exposure therapy, I was positive and friendly, then I got really sick with covid. Not much incentive to challenge my agoraphobia.

I'm always having digestive tract problems, so no incentive to eat either.

People make me hurt.

As soon as I wake up each day, I am hurrying time along until it is time to be asleep again and not having to face life. I don't smoke or drink or anything like that, so the only way to escape is to be asleep. Sleep's not easy either. Chronic insomnia. 

Well, I'm falling deeper, so I must refocus and do something different.

I will put on some Kylie and do a little dance. 💃

Thanks for listening, again. 🙏