Lived Experience Forum

[PizzaMondo]

Rude that you have set boundaries and are maintaining them? Absolutely not! I am totally with you here @Mara_S - and I am proud of you for setting these with your family.

It is incredibly important to have boundaries as it allows us to understand what goes and what doesn't in various relationships... especially when it comes to our direct family.

You protecting your own safety, health and wellbeing is a priority and I can see that you've stated you are yet to come up with strategies on how to deal with them. Here I would encourage you to continue setting boundaries, whether it be around accomodation, who stays with who, where, etc. OR even allowing yourself to have personal travel days and downtime.

What may be helpful for you I wonder?

[Mara_S]

Thanks for the support @PizzaMondo. Looks like I need that constant reminder to keep working on these strategies. 

My opinion is not being valued much (or requested at all I should say) when it comes to the travel plans as I am not the one funding the travel. And the family members mentioned are using their health concerns to influence decisions. My strategy for this is to insist that plans are in place beforehand so we know when we visit their village and when we go to my hometown. This person has self-invited themselves to our accommodation in my hometown. My plan for this is to take the kids with me for lots of visits to my sister which I intended to do anyway. This will not sit well with them as they are tagging along to be with my kids all day. So part B is to have limited communication. I don't intend to be available for people's calls. Thanks for the sanity check. I thought it would have been acceptable to remove people from my socials without it being a big deal but their reaction made me think otherwise. 

Part C is a way for me to get time for myself. I am a freelancer so can work anywhere. I may "have a project pop up" while on holiday that is too good to resist. 

Not much of a plan yet but this is it so far. 

[Xibon]

Hey @Mara_S! It's so hard to keep on task with coping strategies and trying implement them into your daily routine. But I think it's important remembering how great it is that you're putting in effort 😊

It's really disheartening when our opinions, thoughts and feelings are diminished or ignored, or we are overlooked entirely. I'm so sorry you have had someone impose themselves on your accommodation, that would feel very intrusive and disrespectful. I am very glad, nonetheless, that you have someplace safe and calm to go to in your sister's home. Its very good you've decided to disconnect; untethering ourselves from the constant barrage of communiques we receive daily is great for peace of mind. 

You say it is not much of a plan, but from what I can tell you are setting healthy boundaries and expectations for yourself, and I'm thoroughly impressed ❤️

Have you got any books lined up for the trip so you can take some healthy 'me-time' when needed amongst the chaos?

[8ppleTree]

@Mara_S   Hmmm, fellow responsible elder sibling here 🫡..lol 

yep, extended family for weeks on end without a break can be a nightmare. Even with the best of intentions and lovely personalities (speaking from experience). Eventually, we arranged a granny flat in the backyard, however travelling is a whole other kettle of obligation! Oh dear. 

A few ideas:

-claiming dietary requirements that can only be consumed in another village, like fish? lol 

-discovering a new hobby, ie photographing out of the way places? 

-needing a private procedure done, ie teeth, feet, hands, spiritual/religious, but it requires a few days intensive rest and solitary accomodation?

-the new project that 'pops up' requiring much alone time to work - good idea 🙂 

-new hobby collecting random things? 

-health requirements for yourself? 

It's probably not possible to do 40 straight days with other people, unless it's a contiki tour and there's alcohol and you're in your 20's. Maybe then. But everyone deserves a bit of break. Can you negotiate a few days for yourself, and a few days for your partner, maybe? Just because you're not paying for the trip doesn't mean you're not an equal part of your partnership. You deserve to be heard. 

Is The Nurse on Netflix, the one based on the true story of Danish nurse Christina Aistrup Hansen? 

[Mara_S]

Ooh I love these ideas.
The hobby one is perfeeect! I can take the kids too to get them away a bit too. Might do a scrapbook with things we collect (I am going to call it homework assigned by the teacher lol)

The whole situation is more than disheartening but unfortunately, there are too many moving pieces for me to make a quick fix. So I will play along for now and make the most of it. I can't wait to see my sister and her family after many years.

Not sure about the Nurse, I need to find out.

[Mara_S]

Its 10 am and instead of scrambling to meet my deadline, I am here posting to distract myself. I am ready to admit defeat in my upcoming meeting. 

I love working as a freelancer and it works for me practically but with everything going on, today is the first time I am failing big time. I am nowhere near ready to deliver even after 2 long nights. I love freelancing, the new gigs, new people, the flexibility most of all. But the constant onboarding, figuring things out (I am in IT so lots of unexpected things come up), a couple of tricky clients and most of all life stuff and here I am 2 hours before the meeting with not much to show. Not in a presentable format anyway. 

I've pushed myself a lot for a long time and thought I was burnt out a couple of years ago and had recovered. But for some reason, my body is refusing to work with me. Doesn't let me push much anymore even though I do much less now. 

Anyone here have any tips for coping with the stress of freelancing? Working as an employee is not really an option. I need to take regular breaks through the day for kids appointments, and my physical health issues.  

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @Mara_S 🙂

I know you had mentioned at the end of your post that you do not have much of a plan yet, but I think what you have shared so far is pretty solid!

To me, it really sounds like you are aware of what you have the capacity for and what you don't, and that you will check-in with yourself when needed to ask yourself that exact question.

I encourage you to continue working on these strategies, use assertive communication and set and maintain boundaries, for your safety and wellbeing.

Take care,
PizzaMondo 🙂