Ocd

[Seekingwisdom_]

Undiagnosed OCD/autistic husband driving me crazy with his household demands. How the dish rag needs to be rinsed and folded, constantly wiping marks off the fridge, setting to robot to wash the floors every day or second day, needing to keep a special cloth to wipe water from around the sink/off the bathroom bench all the time, is always sanitising, etc. He also gets very frustrated, often angry and sometimes completely explodes if others can’t keep up with his demands. He thinks that we should all remember and show him our love by respecting these things, but while we try to do so, it can be exhausting to keep up and feel like we’re walking on tenterhooks (I often feel my heart beating faster and feeling quite stressed trying to keep the peace with two equally frustrated teenagers trying to deal with this)—God help us if he finds one of these things not how he wants them. I have said to him that he can be impossible to live with and should consider help but is in denial. I accept that my husband is like this, and we love each other, but I would appreciate any wisdom that you are able to offer.

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Seekingwisdom_ and welcome to the forums

It sounds like this has become a really frustrating situation for both you and your husband. I can imagine how exhausting it may feel to be constantly expected to do things a certain way in your own home. 

I'm curious whether you and your husband have had conversations about why he needs things to be a certain way - whether it's just being particular or if these things are linked to some deeper emotions for him? I'm also curious about what those conversations about getting him some extra support have looked like? Do they come up in heightened moments, or has it been more of a deliberate discussion where you've sat him down and expressed your concerns?

While reading I was wondering whether you've heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)? It could be interesting to look into and to see if this sounds like it's in line with some of your husband's behaviour. 

[gatewood]

Be decisive, period.

If he becomes abusive and/or violent, get some hidden cameras and record his episodes, then threaten him with calling the police on him.

This might sound harsh, but someone who attacks other people, should expect to face the full weight of the consequences of his/her actions.

If his aggressions don't go that far, talk to all affected parties and put a united front against him, a solid wall of push-back and don't hesitate to escalate if needed. With sufficient peer pressure, he should back down, but, if he becomes violent at any given moment, call the cops. Simple as that.

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT allow this to go any further and put an end to the abuse as quickly as possible, be brave! You'll thank yourself for standing up for yourself!

[BPDSurvivor]

I can see how that would be so exhausting to live with. Does he feel he wants to make changes? DO you have people you can talk to for support @Seekingwisdom_ ? Welcome to the forums. I had OCD as a child, and as hard as it was for others to witness, the inner pain for the individual is excruciating. However, unless he wants support, I'm not sure there's much you can do but look after yourself?

[tyme]

Hi there @Seekingwisdom_ , how are you feeling today? How are you? We just want to let you know that we are here if you need to talk to anyone. It sounds like a lonely road at times.