I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Captain24 I've just sent you an email with a brief update on looking into your notification issue so you can take a look when you're able. 

@SANE-Admin 

[Captain24]

Hi @Ru-bee 

Thank you so much for the follow up. 

I have replied.

[Captain24]

Thanks @Bow 

Thanks @Snowie. I’m a bad friend because I haven’t been there for anyone. I’m selfish and self centred. 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 my psych says to me "Do you think it is your mental illness talking and not you?"

So I will ask the same question to you.

You say things about being a bad friend and so forth, but maybe it is not the real Captain talking.

I do understand that it is hard not to think this way, I often think this way too. I know it is hard to change our way of thinking, however instead of saying I'm a bad friend, perhaps you need to say I am putting my needs first. How can I help a friend when I need to help myself first.

Just a thought.

[Captain24]

I just had to reread who posted that @Snowie It sounds like a @Jynx post! 

Most of the time I can’t separate me from my MI. My MI makes me who I am. 

I struggle to follow threads. Which is why I believe that I’m not a supportive friend. 

I am trying to learn who to reframe. I have done it but my original thoughts don’t allow me to believe it. 

[Snowie]

It is hard to separate the two @Captain24 I completely agree with you.

If I didn't have my MI then who would I actually be. What would my life look like.

It's ok not to follow other threads. Following other threads does not define you as a person. I myself find that hard at times too. There have been times where I just stick to my main thread. Other times I can venture out. 

It is really hard to reframe, especially when we have had these thoughts for so long. They become a part of us. 

[Captain24]

My life would be so different. @Snowie. I hate that I have it. I hate that I’m the bipolar girl. 

I feel less like a bad person knowing that you sometimes do the same. 

[Jynx]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I just had to reread who posted that @Snowie It sounds like a @Jynx post! 

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Teehee hello to you both, lovelies! Aww that's sweet Cap! And yes, incredibly wise words Snowie! Dunno if you both saw but the PGC tonight is literally on Reframing, pretty timely by the sounds of it!

In terms of feeling like we can't separate ourselves from our MI... first off, big mood! I think there's a certain amount of 'what iffing' that is natural for us to do. It can become torturous though if we get too lost in it. 

For me, I think we can allow our MI to form at least a certain amount of our sense of identity. Mainly cos... well I wouldn't be Jynx if I hadn't gone through what I went through! Not to say that people deserve to be traumatised in order to build character (yuck) but that the experiences I've had are what have spurred my growth. I wouldn't be able to do the work I do if I hadn't!

Before I head over to PGC (hopefully see you both in there!), I'll share a wee quote: 

I hope some day this pain will be useful to you ~

[Snowie]

I think all our lives would be different @Captain24 With that being said you wouldn't be that kind, caring, thoughtful person I have come to know.

As @Jynx said, we wouldn't wish this on anyone, however it has made us the person we have become.

There are plenty of times where I need to put me first and just come on here to get support, to be listened too, to have someone there for me. Then there are other times where I can lend my support to others. Both are perfectly fine to have. It's never 50/50. If most of the time we need that support then that if fine.

[Captain24]

Thank you for saying that @Snowie. Those words are actually on my bedroom mirror. One of the nurses wrote those words in my mirror in hospital. My Pdoc liked them too. 

It’s getting easier to hear but still hard to believe. 

I see you as a good person with resilience especially when it comes to dealing with your mum. 

Thanks for making me feel comfortable for focusing on myself.