I can’t cope

[Captain24]

He is pretty tiny @tyme. He is soooo skinny, he is a healthy weight though! 

So when they are standing. Their backs are around 20 cm high and their heads are around 30cm high. I don’t know if that helps. Jetts a little bit taller than Pix but not by much.

I go back to work on Wednesday. But this weekend I have 2 dogs to bath, mow front and back lawns, clean the house, clean the last spare room, have a shower, wash my hair, go to the markets and get my meds that I haven’t had for a week. 

Then Monday I’m getting my tax done, getting my hair done and have an interview. Tuesday I have a training day for work. Back to work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Finalise everything and clean the house too to bottom Saturday, house sitters arrive Sunday and I’m off on Monday. Nowhere in there is time to breathe, time to relax, time to reset.

I haven’t even heard from then in regards to the admission. They are hopeless. I have sent an email so I will have to try and ring them in my spare time that I have none of. 

[Captain24]

He is cute @rav3n. I do have cute babies. Have you seen Pix? 

Maybe when I have things under control and I’m almost ready the anxiety might ease, well I’m hoping. I guess we will find that out in the next few days! I may need help though. 

Do you have any plans for the weekend? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'll catch you over the weekend.

Look after yourself 🙂

[Captain24]

I’ve been playing a really risky game recently. I just have to get through another week and it will all be taken out of my hands. I won’t have control, they will. 

Needless to say I’m not feeling real well again today. 

I have been up the street and amazingly did some exchanges of the wrong sizes I got yesterday. I don't usually as I’m too scared. 

I also got the meds that I haven't been taking. They will take a while to get back in my system but it should help. 

I have let a lot of people down but I am trying. 

[Captain24]

I can’t do today. I’m too overwhelmed, too scared. No motivation. No nothing, just uncontrollable anxiety. 

Can’t breathe, head pounding, heart racing, shaking, it’s all too much. 

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 ,

What's happening for you today? Passing through, but sitting with you.

[Captain24]

I’m a complete mess @tyme. 

I have so much to do. So much. It’s just to overwhelming. I’m panicking that I can’t do it all. 

The meds I haven’t been taking are anxiety ones. My anxiety is through the roof. I think I’m have an anxiety attack. I could finally get to the chemist today and have gotten the script filled. But it’s just way too late. 

It’s ok. I know you don’t want to deal with this today. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

You're right. I don't have to 'deal' with it, but is it okay I'm here and I sit with you?

I hear your anxiety is through the roof.

Do you feel you are able to call 000?

[Captain24]

Please be here and sit. @tyme. I’d really appreciate it. 

I need to get my shit together. I can keep doing this. I can’t keep these behaviours ups. It’s not healthy and it’s not safe. 

Im sick of having to deal with constant anxiety. Im sick of having chest pains and all the things that go with the attacks. I’m just sick of everything. 

I do try. I do get up in the morning with the intention of doing things. I did do somethings this morning. But then I fail. I fall in a heap. I can’t keep the momentum going. Each day I tell myself ‘I got this’ each day as the day goes on I don’t. 

I’m not at 000 level yet. 

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @Captain24 .

Can you think something you can do right this moment? Will going outside be safer for you?