Struggle town

[Knj]

Im struggling at the moment, i miss my family its been 8 years without seeing them! I feel like im a burden around people and no one wants to be around me, i feel alone. 

My health is out of whack and doctors just say im a mystery or they dont know whats going on! Im so sick of it, i feel like i have the right to be frustrated but people dont allow me and im expected to be supportive and listen to there problems, which i do but would be nice to have the same back! 

Im starting to hate my life! I just dont see a point sometimes! 

[Glisten]

@Knj for sure you have the right to be frustrated.

Do people perceive you as being capable?

I find that because I have good manners and I’m not over emotional, people don’t have a clue that I have PTSD, even my GP.

But it takes every ounce of my energy to keep it together.

I really need to learn how to express my needs in a firm and polite way.

For 3 months I’ve been avoiding people. Because when they start talking to me, and go on and on, I don’t know how to stop them before I feel like I’m going to snap.

G

[Asgard]

Hi @Knj 

Nice to meet ye, so is there any chance you can still get in touch with your family, 8 years is a fair whack of time to have passed, so maybe you both are ready for communicating again. 

I know what it feels like when you are required to listen to someone elses dramas, but then the same respect is not shown to you.  Have a friend like that who yaks on and on an on about what is happening, when it comes to me however the conversation quickly gets hijacked back to then. 

Have ye tried getting a new GP, different person maybe different attitude.  Your health is your wealth, so never give up on yourself..................Asgard

[MJG017]

Hi @Knj I can empathize with you, it' so difficult and frustrating when you feel like this and support just seems to be a one way street.  I'm a bit luckier healthwise is that I know what is wrong with me, but it's so frustrating that there feels like a lot of pressure from the few people around me that I have to pretend i'm handling my health issues just fine and that I need to ignore that and just be normal and happy around them otherwise the few people who are still around will disappear.  I definitely makes it hard to enjoy life when you're struggling with your own issues and feel so mu pressure to just ignore it and just be there for others - who aren't there for you.

I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of a solution.. i'm still very much struggling with it myself.  But talking about it helps, my GP put me on a mental health care plan a few months ago and that has helped.  It's only 10 visits a year and they still cost me a gap fee... which is already almost doubled from when I started 9 visits ago!  10 visits isn't a lot, but it all helps.  I do try really hard to keep doing things during the day I used to enjoy, even as just a mental distraction.  It's hard sometimes and I have to force myself some of the time... sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but the small wins keep me going.  Even if it's just to wake the cat and give him a bit of attention.

I keep trying to tell myself, i'm not a burden, I just need more support around me!  Which isn't always easy to get, especially professionally with the costs these days.  But just reminding myself that it's not all my fault and continuing to find more support in my life helps me get through each day.  Even just things like coming on here, sharing and trying to support other people helps me a lot.

So keep fighting, be kind to yourself and if people aren't being supportive then keep trying to find it elsewhere.  We can't always deal with everything by ourselves.  I thought I could and spent the first 50 years of my life trying only to find out that when it gets too much, we need to reach out for help and support.  It's not always easy and it can take time but every little bit helps which makes it a bit easier to find that next little bit.