Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

@AEB   How lovely to move to a small country town.  I often see them on television and think how delightful such a seemingly idyllic lifestyle must be - and how I'd love to try it.  But my life won't present me with that opportunity so I'll just have to think how lovely it all seems.  Perhaps I'm a city lady at heart anyway.

Yes, keeping busy helps a lot.  I can only say - take the time to find who you are - what your interests are and just chill out.  Develop yourself.  

I like to garden although I only have pots here.  I was taking German classes before lock-down, in years past I have bought Algebra and Chemistry books for dummies and I am currently studying medical lectures from youtube.  The lecturer I have tapped into is outstanding and is adding to the knowledge I gained from self-taught, text book study of twenty years ago.  I was surprised how seamlessly I could reconnect - even after all this time.

Education didn't have the high priority it has today when I was growing up.  In year 10 my parents holiday took me away from school for several weeks and when I returned, I was unable to catch up with the class in Mathematics, Algebra.  It was very distressing not to understand and to not have anyone who understood my difficulty.  A teacher might go through the motions of explaining and if you didn't understand, there was something wrong with you - not with the teacher or the explanation.  In such situations, we learn not to ask.  If we miss out on one aspect -especially in Mathematics, so often, everything else follows on from that and we simply fall behind.  I did and didn't enjoy school at all after that.  I finished my school in year 10 and underachieved thereafter.  I had ability which was untapped.

Years later I tried to do HSC/VCE by correspondence from my birth state - but it was all too hard when I was suffering Depression.  I didn't complete the course but it was the beginning of a journey back into education.

My ex-psychiatrist tapped into that and directed my life in that direction.  Firstly I did a Certificate of Business Studies at Technical College.  It didn't change the direction of my life in the employment sense, but no education is without its own intrinsic value.

In the years after my family breakdown, I spent 6 - 8 years sitting in a chair while my body healed from the breakdown in my health and I took the opportunity to study Medicine from text books I purchased from the university.  They are expensive, but the cost spread over the time it took me to study them in detail was a bargain.  I have about 8 text books over a broad range of medical specialties.

I had never tapped into the youtube resource for education before but there is such a myriad of subjects to learn from there.  Perhaps you could find a new direction for your life there too.  Libraries are a great resource - but, for me, fiction is not on my agenda. 

I have learned that there are few external things more important in life than education - developing and fulfilling our potential.  I'll be taking this path for the rest of my life.  I'd love to buy a telescope!!

[AEB]

I think it’s the worse thing I could have done...move to a small country town. I feel trapped and very isolated from everyone here. It’s hard to get out of bed most days to be honest. There is no work here, only gas station, pub, post office and couple small cafes. It’s so far away from everything else and such a huge change to living in the city. So I’m pretty depressed lately, so I made the choice to move back to Brisbane and back to my support network of family and friends and find myself again.

Sounds like studying really keeps you busy. I wish I could study but too much reading gives me bad migraines and makes me sick.

[Appleblossom]

@AEB 

Sorry to hear you experienced that issue in small town Australia.  I liked the idea of small communities, but learned fairly early on that the towns themselves could be pretty hard nosed, petty and exclude many people, and everyone knew everyone's business.  I am def a city person. I hope you settle down and find some good in your new place.

@Historylover

So much agree with your belief in life long learning.

Your posts are so thoughtful and caring.  I love reading them.  Such a great discussion and a NECESSARY one.

[AEB]

@Appleblossom  Omg yes everyone here is so petty and you can’t tell anyone anything without the whole town knowing. I can’t wait to get back to the city

[Appleblossom]

I watched what happened with older friends and an aunt and uncle.  @AEB 

Then many years later I heard how horrible, supposedly nice people were to a member of that family, suicide and MH stigma can cascade out of control.  I could only think, I know that person and what he endured 15 years ago etc.  I was still vulnerable then and had not got my push back instinct.

Still the city can be hard too, but maybe keeping online connections will help.

Cheers

[AEB]

Yes the stigma is just ridiculous. I think it is now slowly starting to have less stigma around suicide and MH but it’s still not what it should be like.

Yeah city can be hard at times too but I got friends and family around in the city so I need to be with my support network to feel safe enough to let myself heal and work through my stuff.

Most certainly happy to keep online connections. The more people in a support network the better I say.

[chibam]

Wow, @Historylover . So much to digest there and frankly I don't think I'm up to replying to all of it.

I get the impression that, overall, you've taken away a positive impression of your treatment? Though there's certainly some terrible stuff in there, it's not like you could've done any better with a conventional therapist who played by the rules (IMHO).

I just hope places like this can offer you the support you need, which it sounds like your therapist has no intention of giving you.

[Historylover]

@AEB   Sorry the move didn't work out for you.  Cannon Hill, Brisbane is my place of birth.  I haven't lived in Brisbane for 40 years and it has changed so much.  The last time I was there I was astonished by the tropical feel to the city.  It seemed to have evolved from the time when palm trees became the latest trend - and twenty years later Brisbane was transformed into the tropics.  I don't know what it is like now.  It's been 20 years since I was there.

You're lucky to have family and friends there.

[Historylover]

@chibam   I almost feel that my experience on this platform may be at an end.  I have derived immeasurable benefit from our - and everyone else's - exchanges but, today, I feel that perhaps it has run its course.  Time for the next chapter.  I have said almost all I have to say and perhaps I may just become annoying if I stay longer.  

Yes, chibam, my experience with my psychiatrist was indeed beneficial.  More than that - he gave me LIFE!  He restored me to a condition I could not have imagined.  He was the dearest friend I have ever had and I will always regard him that way. 

This year, though, he had left me at my wit's end by his action and I could not see any way to solve my difficulties, and after trying every avenue available to me I turned here and derived the greatest help. 

I think it is because we have the opportunity to build the conversation here - rather than just keep repeating the same trauma to each successive and ineffective other source.  To speak with people with like experiences rather than those with, often, none - and who only think they understand.  They seem to think that because they are not experiencing the same difficulties, that they are somehow more competent.  We also have the opportunity to take the time to reflect on our own words.  Anyway - that is how it has affected me.

I am now coming to terms with the fact that my ex-psychiatrist retracted his promise of friendship because he knew it simply wasn't going to work.  He wouldn't have done it lightly as he just isn't that kind of person.  I knew that - but have had to toss all other possibilities into the mix so that I could get that great trauma in perspective and come to a full understanding.

He spent a major part of his career working with me as his test-case - my great honour and privilege - not always in consultation, continuously, or at all in the last 20 years while I just maintained occasional e-mail contact as necessary - and he proved what he wanted to prove.  I am the living proof of that. 

I would say that he tried so hard to spread the word within the profession that there really is a better way - that the teachings and treatment methods of the past are all wrong!  He would have helped any psychiatrist who wished to learn from his experiences but met with as much resistance as I did trying to re-build the broken intra-familial/'clan' ties I was contending with that, in the end, he simply gave up and concentrated on his own patients.  For that we are all eternally grateful and he can enjoy his retirement knowing that he gave his all making the lives of others the best available to them.  

As for improvements in the system - I like to think that psychiatrists will now clean up their own mess.  They have choked up the system with their incompetence, greed and disregard for others' lives.  It's their mess!

[Basil]

Hey @Historylover 

It's really wonderful to hear that you feel you have found some great support from people with lived experience on the forums. Lived experience and peer support can be such an impactful part of people’s recovery and it’s so nice to hear that the forums have been that for you. It shows some great insight too, to recognise when it feels time for the next chapter, it will be sad to see you go but best of luck with whatever you decide 

Also, thank you for sharing a bit about your experience with psychiatry. I can understand the passion that might come with such a personal and profound experience, plus the frustration if it isn't available to all. We do need to keep in mind, however, that we all have individual needs and experiences when it comes to our own Mental Health and the Mental Health System, including Psychiatry. 

Warmest,

Basil.