Hey @MDT just stopping by to check in with you. Sounds like you're doing a lot of reflecting at the moment, especially about relationships in your life and the difficulty of navigating it all in the modern world. We simply weren't meant to exist like this, in my opinion - so disconnected from ourselves and nature and each other.
Dating apps are daunting! I wish there was one that was just for making friends! Or even for finding shared interests - I mean there's so many social media platforms it's hard to actually find a welcoming space. I think this is why I spend a lot of time on Reddit, and only join very specific facebook groups that I know are safe spaces.
I don't think you have to know where you are going in life to be able to find people who can accept you just as you are. Sometimes I have to remind myself that pretty much everyone is looking to connect - the trick is finding people you can feel comfortable to be yourself around. And then of course, the other trick is working out how to be yourself!
I've always seen you as a very genuine person, so kudos for carrying that energy with you into the world - it sorely needs more people like you 
@chibam I'm so sorry to hear of how people have treated you, those sound like really harmful relationships. I admire the courage you have to continuely show up in social situations, in spite of your experiences. You mentioned that, while superficial, you've felt less lonely amongst strangers. Is that something you feel you could explore more?
"I live not out of willingness, but out of bitter obligation." This is something that used to ring so true for myself. Hold on to that hope for love, you are deserving of it
@MDT I think it takes a lot of bravery and kindness to let someone go/not lead someone on when we ourselves are yearning for connection. I can see you have a great heart, self awareness and values which will carry you really far
On your point about losing genuine connections and other's being fake/ lacking authencity, your stress and frustration is completely understandable. I feel this at times too, especially with social media. Occassionly though I do hold onto my vulnerability and honesty with others, despite their inability to be the same, and those relationships do change over time. I think others are often just afraid/lack trust in others to be genuine and need someone to take the plunge first. Sometimes though people are just disinterest in being true/real, and in those situations being genuine is more about feeling good about myself, rather than forcing a connection with them. What is something about yourself that you always stay true to?
@MDT I also just saw your post, I'm sorry to hear that this person has not responded to you. That can be hurtful Do you often feel lonely at work?