Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

So turns out I have C-PTSD. Mostly from school. Dumb reason I know.

Does anyone else have this? Can we talk?

[peps]

HI @Jlol,

I have also been diagnosed with Complex PTSD for a few years now. What did you want to talk about?

[Sidstory44]

I'm not diagnosed but I've experienced some pretty traumatizing events recently. Stay positive cause I'm just trying to do the same, we're all going through stuff and I hope you're feeling ok. I don't want to act as if I have any answers but I just want you to be happy. I'm a random person but I feel for you and I want you to be happy. Try and take your mind off it cause honestly this is helping me take my mind off of the crappy thoughts and feelings. Just try and find the good in things and always try and look on the brightside. I'm kind of telling myself this as I write but yeah just try and stay positive. I wish you all the best

This may or may not help but I hope you can understand that I just want you to be happy

[outlander]

hi @Jlol
yes i do have C-PTSD and happy to talk to you about it

[Jlol]

Thanks @peps. I guess I just had some questions (feel free to answer or not at your discretion).

Did yours come about during childhood? If so, how did you return to your "normal self"? Mine started at primary school. Apparently part of the reason why I have not had success with treatment is due to me not having a "blueprint" of my normal self.

Was yours due to a situation you were in? Were you able to get out of it?

Is it perpetuated through life? Like, mine started in childhood at school, but I feel it has continued and gotten worse due to other circumstances and events I've found myself in. It's almost like it's attracted more situations to make the state worse. 

[peps]

Hi @Jlol,

Mine started because of different things that happened in my childhood. I wasn't aware of some of them until I was an adult. I have dissociative amnesia so I only have bits of memories come back at different times. Since the memories came back I've really struggled with it all. I'm not really sure what my normal self is. It's like I can't seperate the mental health stuff from the rest of me. I'm sorry you had those experiences that caused your trauma. Have you always known about the trauma? I've found meeting others with complex ptsd and dissociation is helpful. Have you found anything that helps? 

Peps 

[Jlol]

Thanks @peps that's really helpful.

Mine also comes from childhood, but I've not been able to pindown any particular events (yet), other than just absolutely hating and dreading school. I don't know if I have dissociative amnesia or any repressed memories. I have a very, very vague recollection of being in hospital crying in fear at that age, but I don't remember what I was there for.

I too don't know what my "normal" is. I've had these bad thoughts for so long it's impossible for me to seperate them as symptoms that are separate and different to me. Spot on what you said about not being able to seperate the mental health stuff out.

I've only recently in the last couple of months explored the possibility of having trauma. At 36 it's a whole new world to me.

[peps]

Hi @Jlol,

I remember when I first explored the possibility of trauma and it was a really difficult time. I've been in treatment for trauma since around 2015 and I'm still learning about it. I feel like just as I start to get a handle on one thing something else pops up. Something I found helpful was when I was referred to a specialist trauma dissociation unit in hospital. They taught skills and helped work on the trauma which was easier than working on it while still having to work and do life stuff. I found the trauma stuff to be really overwhelming and I'm still learning to manage it.

Peps 

[outlander]

hi @Jlol

i have experienced a couple of traumatic events which is usually why its classed as C-PTSD. mine also occured through my childhood into young adult hood so i can understand.

many of us do experience amnesia from trauma. we can sort of remember some events but maybe not all the details. as you begin to explore what those traumas may be some events may come to light or they may not and it might just be about managing symptoms. for me i can remember most details of the events resulting in alot of flashbacks, nightmares and more specific details in my brain however there are some days i feel different things that i dont know what specifally they are linked to.

when weve had symptoms for so long. it can be hard to know what is 'normal' because our normal is basically the ptsd symptoms like being fearful, anxious, ovrely alert to surroundings, finding certain events or subjects more triggering like you might have a difficult time talking about school or bullying because of your past

[Jlol]

Thanks @outlander ,

Regarding what you said about amnesia, one of the things that apparently perpetuates my condition is the frequent intense anger/arguments with my spouse. I hate these and find them very hard. Something I've noticed is that when I talk about these arguments later with a therapist or friend there's a lot I can't remember about them. I can't remember the time or place they occured or the hurtful things that were said, or even what started them, even if they only happened a week ago. It's like my brain has protectively wiped a lot of the data.

Could this be a type of C-PTSD related amnesia?