Wives caring for Husbands

[tyme]

Hey @Shaz51 @zipper @Tootsy @Healandlove ,

As carers, I hope you are all taking time out and looking after yourselves. I don't care for a partner, but I already feel tired....

[Healandlove]

@tyme @Shaz51 @Tootsy @zipper 

@Tootsy , skin cancers are common. The good thing is to find out about it and have it removed. I'm sure all will go well with the removal. I know what you mean about lots going on. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with what's going on I find it is too exhausting to even write about it.

@tyme thank you for the reminder. I do try to take time for myself. I did some baking for the kids lunch boxes and for my parents.  That made me feel happy. It 8s a type of therapy for me. Had my second session of EMDR on Saturday.  Hard but I do feel better the days after it. I hope my brain is doing what it needs to heal itself. My husband has had had days with more positive than negatives so that also helps. 

It is freezing in Sydney.  Just put 4 layers of blankets on the kids. Hope you are all well and hanging in there ❤️❤️❤️

[tyme]

Hugs @Healandlove . Hope you are okay. Stay warm!

If it's freezing in Syd, it must be double freezing in Melb! I have 2 doonas, heater, Oodie, heat pack.... 

See you around!

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 thank you for listening lovely friend 🧡. 

It's so hard but I hold on to hope that things can improve.  I feel like I always have to be the strong one, the calm one, the one that has to be there for everyone. 

My psychologist helps me understand my emotions and is helping me process grief and loss of family with EMDR. Eventually I will have to process the loss of the husband I knew, the one without cptsd. Although obviously he has always had it but was repressing for all these years.

I read somewhere that borderline personality disorder is cptsd. Any thoughts on that @tyme ?

[tyme]

Yes, I've read and heard that too @Healandlove - some people want to rename BPD to complex trauma. I don't know enough to say much though. 

I guess for me, when people said I had CPTSD, I'm like, "What? No I don't". However, after years of work with my psychologist, I finally accepted that I did.

It's a hard one. Because you also don't want to say the inverse: that CPTSD is BPD.

[Healandlove]

Thank you @tyme for sharing your thoughts.

Yes, I got a bit confused reading the article that said they were the same thing. My husband was diagnosed with cptsd but borderline personality disorder was not mentioned.  I will ask my therapist that question when I see him next. 

I see him once a month. Any more would be too much for me emotionally.  

[Tootsy]

@Shaz51 @Healandlove @tyme  thank you for your continued support 🩷🩷 reading the BPD makes a lot of sense to me, hubs keeps turning away help and I’m left with it all and I’m getting weighed down, nothing I say helps and I’m lost. We are supposed to have my mum come live with us soon and I know it’s going to break us but she has know where else to go. My sister doesn’t want to listen as she lives with her but she wants to sell up and travel, leaving mum with me. I’m not doing great with the stress and we only rent a small one bathroom house. I’m feeling lost today..

[tyme]

Awww @Tootsy ,

Hugs to you.

How long is your mum going to stay with you? I wonder if you can put down some firm boundaries before hand?

Yes, the hardest part is when a borderline turns away help (note, I'm using the term borderline because that's how i see myself. I'm not saying others like to be called borderline lol). Unless they want help, it's so hard for any changes to happen.

I think this is what I learnt. I always thought therapist magically 'heal' people... but no. Their work with us is only half (or less than half) of the work we need to do as part of recovery. 

I see this like a sports game. We cannot be spectators in recovery. We need to be a team player.

Above all, YOU must look after yourself. I see so many people burnt out by BPD... I know they don't mean it, but it happens.

Hugs to you. Thank you for caring.

[Tootsy]

@tyme @Thank you for your support. Mum will be with us for 3 years..I’m actually scared for our future. I try not to let it worry me but deep down I know it won’t be good 

[tyme]

Hey @Tootsy ,

I'm sorry to hear you feel it won't be good.

Reminds me of my brother in law's parents. I can't wait until they leave (in 2 weeks!). But I'm also really annoyed they are coming back by December. 

I have to do a lot of self talk. Tell myself that they WILL be coming no matter what and I just need to accept it. I need to find calming strategies such as deep breathing and walking away. I know for a fact they won't change. So now, only I can change....

Some people might say life is a bed of roses, but roses sure have thorns!