Hi @Lula. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know what it's like to be alone and how tough that is. You said you've seen a doctor recently, do you have a mental health care plan? My GP called me in earlier in the year and convinced me to go on one. It gives 10 subsidised psychology visits a year. Still not free but a lot more affordable than without.
To be fair, they psychology visits didn't help me a lot, but just talking to them made me think about thing slightly differently and gave me some new ideas to try so in then end, I guess it did help.
I know when I was at my worst with the loneliness, it was so easy to see myself as worthless, unlikable and made everything feel pointless so I sort of gave up and the depression and anxiety just got so much worse. It seemed utterly useless to try and even talk to anybody. I joined an online forum, similar to this one, one for the first time ever talked about my struggles with other people. It gave me enough confidence to keep trying and things did get better.
Why I find it so hard to make connection with anyone is still a work in progress for me and i'm still trying to change things but it takes time. I've joined a few support groups which I enjoy and it give me an opportunity to spend time with people I become familiar with and just talk. It seems like such a small thing, but when you spend most of your time sitting at home by yourself, it makes a huge difference. After a while I even started to open up a bit with them and talk about the things I'd always struggled with.
I wish I had better advice for you, because I know what it's like to be without any family. Well, family who treat me like I exist anyway, and it's exhausting trying to deal with the feelings that constantly grind you down. So don't give up (it will only make things worse) and keep trying new thing and reaching out like you have here. I hope you can start to improve things for yourself soon.
