Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Dama]

discussion with trusted friend, getting feedback at carer group for a reality check or outside view. Taking a walk to think of new approaches, rather than my old ones (flogging dead horse notion!). Don't have any book refs tho... suggestions?

[FindingStrength]

• I've relied on the safety plan several times in the past, although we need a new one as Ms Teen ripped it up in a activated moment. (Was worked out with the Psychologist & I think I should have some input into it too)
• Maintenance & action plan that I have made for myself to refer to constantly.
• Regular counselling for me.
• Consistent reflection on why I have this boundary - for both of us: Is it healthy/appropriate or enabling/avoiding etc?

[Shaz51]

I don't  have a trusted friend  to talk to @Bron , @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Bron It is great to see Arafmi's carer helpline is 24/7, how wonderful to have that available through the night.

@Shaz51 Thank you for reminding us all about that thread, a simple but helpful graphic to have handy 

@luckymeaunty Yes, love to hear this. Would be keen to hear more about how this process looks for you in the forums. It is a powerful but simple tool to journal our thoughts, yet so easy to neglect to do so Thank you for sharing.

@Dama Stacks of books I'd imagine! Our wonderful @Shaz51 may have some suggestions? @Bron Also mentioned A best seller called ‘Boundaries’ by Drs Cloud & Townsend and Dr Henry Cloud’s online course in boundaries.

@FindingStrength These are incredible notes, thank you. Also big props to your use of the word "activation" instead of trigger or episode. An accurate and kind description of our loved ones pain.

[Dama]

reflection on the why's of the boundary. really helpful to be, thank you.

[Bron]

@Dama here are some books, for a start.
• Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free – Nancy Levin (2020)
• No Guilt, No Games, No Drama – Steph Sterner (2018)
• A best seller called ‘Boundaries’ by Drs Cloud & Townsend (2018) and Dr Henry Cloud’s online course in boundaries (Christian authors)
• Where to draw the line – Anne Katherine (2000)
I like Audible so that I can listen to the book in the car or in when I go for a walk. I also tend to like YouTube talks.

[FindingStrength]

Also, working on my self esteem, worth & value is so important!

Finding as I value myself more its getting easier to be firm & not fall into the old patterns of guilt & over-care.

[Former-Member]

@Shaz51 Sorry to hear this is the experience. We are all your friends here on the forum. You never know what life may hold around the corner in terms of connection, but until then we can listen and hear you on your journey. Sometimes I do think I am better friends with the podcasts I have on loop then my IRL friends ... the power of technology. 

[Bron]

@FindingStrength, well done. Better self-esteem, worth and value. You have found a golden key.

[Shaz51]

Yes thank you  @Former-Member , @Bron 

The forum is awesome  to me