I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Last night was hard. I’ve admitted defeat and decided I need to see my GP. I rang this morning for an emergency appointment and he has none. The earliest I can get in to see him is the 29th of May. He has no emergency appointments until then. I don’t think I can make it. 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 I know it is not ideal but can you see someone else there? They might not be as good but at least they can see your history.

Can you be placed on a cancellation list?

[Captain24]

 I don’t even know who else I could see @Snowie. I am on a cancellation list. I’m scared to be honest with anyone else. 

My CM has said that I need to step back from her but I have just emailed her with everything. I know that I’m going to get into trouble but I just needed to get it out in a safe space. I said as much in the email. 

My GP has said previously that I can ring him. I’m not sure if this stands as a time to contact him or not. 

Im going to try and get some sleep for tonight. I just can’t switch off. 

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Captain24 

I am so sorry things are so hard right now

Did you get some sleep yesterday before work?

We can have a chat if something is weighing on your heart

Sitting with you ❤️

[Captain24]

Hey @lavenderhaze 

I didn’t get much sleep yesterday and I should be asleep now. Tonight is going to be really hard. There is just too much noise. 

Im regretting emailing my CM as I know I’m going to get into trouble. She has warned me not to do it. But needed to get it all out. I needed a safe space. 

The pain is intense and I can’t take it anymore. I won’t make the nearly 3 weeks to see my GP. 

[lavenderhaze]

I can hear you're in so much pain @Captain24 
I am so sorry 😞

Are you working tonight?

I understand that the CM told you not to email them but did it help you, putting all your feelings down?

We're all here to support you ❤️

I know 3 weeks is a long time when you're in pain but we just have to take it one day at a time

[Captain24]

Yeah.. I’m working tonight. @lavenderhaze. 

Putting everything out there felt like a release but I am scared of the consequences. I need support now and over the weekend but out here the is no weekend support. I’m not sure what is going to happen. 

Right now facing one day at a time is just too much. 

[creative_writer]

@Captain24 💖🫂. I know it’s hard not knowing a safe place to release it all, it’s hard keeping it in. It’s lonely, and it really does eat away at you. Have you ever considered talking to your supports about alternative places you can release. Things like journalling, art can help. I find poetry to be an amazing release when I can’t describe my emotions in plain language, it’s hard to describe.

Sending you lots of hugs and love 💖🫂. I hope work goes okay for you. I know lack of sleep can really affect you, I didn’t sleep well last night, might need to lay low for the rest of the day, uni can wait

[Captain24]

I thought the email to my CM was a safe place. 

I thought wrong. She responded and isn’t happy. 

Im not sure at the moment as to where I am spending tonight. Work? ED? Hospital? Home? 

[Captain24]

Looks like I am going to work. My CM hasn’t responded to my last email and she finishes at 5. 

Tomorrow could be an interesting day. 

I regret being honest.