@Former-Member
This is a difficult one to respond to as there is unlikely to be a one-size-fits-all answer to it. For example, some people can find it hard to understand people with BPD’s behaviour in a crisis. Whether we are the one in crisis, or the one responding to a crisis, there is something about stress that can affect all of our thinking. One way this can happen is that we can feel very certain that the other person should understand what we are feeling and why, without having to explain it in detail. Similarly, under stress, we can sometimes think that because we feel a certain way about how someone’s behaviour makes us feel, then this must definitely be what they had intended. In these circumstances, misunderstandings about each other can readily occur.
This could be changed to be less stigmatising in many ways. For example, ‘some people with BPD may find it difficult to express their needs directly in relationships.’ However, it’s unlikely that this will be a reframe that suits everyone’s situation.
One of the things that we advocate for in many of our trainings and consultations to health professionals, is that they practice maintaining their curiosity with the people who come seeking their help, rather than making assumptions about the person and their motivations. So often there are vast differences between people as to what drives them to do things. We also encourage clinicians to reflect on what they bring to their interactions with people with BPD. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, clincians can contribute something to what is experienced as ‘hard’ and we need to reflect on this, validate it, and find different ways of working with people.
